


The Mustachio Adventure

by mamashitty



Series: Adventures with Uncle Shitty [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Background Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann - Freeform, Gen, Kidfic, Shitty is an epic uncle, background Camilla Collins/Original Male Character, fake mustache, going to the mall, kids being kids, shitty being shitty (as in himself and not awful)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 17:51:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20878265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamashitty/pseuds/mamashitty
Summary: Life is tough for six-year-old Maisie Zimmermann with a new baby sister. Uncle Crappy comes to the rescue though, and fiinnaallly, delivers in his promise of getting her an epic mustache of her own.





	The Mustachio Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> This follows Maisie and Shitty from my [Samwell Elementary AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19476640/chapters/46361614), so Shitty is a 5th-grade teacher. Maisie is the daughter of Camilla and Jack, but they are divorced and both have moved on. It’s a lovely mix of co-parenting—but focus on this is Shitty and Corn Dog.

“UNCLE CRAPPY!”  
“CORNDOG!”

It was always a contest between Shitty and his hockey niece, Maisie, to see who could greet the loudest. Today it sounded like Maisie was the winner, her shout bordering on a screech that made Shitty’s ears want to bleed. He managed to hide his wince behind a grin and then he pretended to nearly fall over as she flung herself at him. He caught her up in a hug and spun around fast once he was done pretending to nearly topple. Her laughter was music to his ears. He planted a sloppy smooch to her cheek and laughed some more as she pulled a face and wiped her cheek.

“Gross Uncle Crappy,” and then she wriggled out of his arms and skipped towards Jack and Bitty who were piling some last-minute luggage into their car. Shitty grinned, watching the happy little family for a moment. Then he meandered towards them, his flip-flops slapping loudly on the driveway.

“Thank you for doing this for us, Crappy,” Jack said, looking a bit like he needed Shitty to put him at ease.

“Jackabelle, it is fine.”

“Camilla and I try to schedule these switches better but…”

“Jack. It is okay, brah. Besides, it will be nice just spending some time with the Corndog,” Shitty said, winking at Maisie who grinned.

“Bitty! Help me get my bags, please?” Maisie asked, and she held her hand out to Bitty, who took it and led her back inside. Shitty watched Jack who was watching Maisie and Bitty. Shitty grinned, slipping an arm around Jack’s shoulder and tugging him into a hug. Jack allowed it, and soon Shitty was giving his cheeks a sloppy smooch. Jack pulled a near-identical face to the one his daughter had given Shitty not five minutes earlier and Shitty laughed.

“Jack, relax. Maisie and I are going to have fun.”

“Thanks again, Shits. I owe—” Jack began but Shitty cut him off.

“Brah, you owe me nothing. Just have a fun weekend with your man. You are allowed it. Wanna help me get that booster seat of hers into my car?” Shitty asked, knowing it would put Jack’s mind at ease if he helped install it. Shitty knew how to install it, he had learned how to install car seats and boosters shortly after he had learned that Jack and Camilla were going to be having a kid. He had gotten himself some books on raising kids too because he knew he wanted to be the ‘swawesomest uncle in the world. But, he also knew, Jack always felt more comfortable if he did the car seat or booster install himself and Shitty was all about making him comfortable.

“Yeah, okay,” Jack said, with a nod and Shitty gave his shoulder one quick squeeze before leading the way to his car.

The booster install did not take long at all. It was a lot easier than the bulky car seat that Maisie used before the booster. Shitty held back as Maisie hugged both Jack and Bitty and said their goodbyes. Then he helped her into the booster seat, a wicked grin dancing on his face. She mirrored his grin and then tilted her head.

“Uncle Crappy….”

“Maisie-Daze…” He winked and reached over into his front seat to grab a small package he had. He handed it to her and she opened it without his prompting. Then her eyes went wide.

“Uncle Crappy! Chyeah!” She squealed in delight once she opened it. Shitty had not stopped grinning and he continued to do so as he helped remove the fake mustache and then helped affix it to her face. She looked absolutely ridiculous, but still, Shitty felt a tear come to his eye. It had taken a while to find a fake mustache that looked similar to his, and he was happy with the result. He slid his phone out from his pocket and snapped a few pictures before showing them to Maisie.

“You look ‘swawesome, Maisie.”

Maisie had a very intense and serious expression on her face as she looked over the photos of her with the mustache. Then she looked away from the phone and grinned.

“I look like you, Uncle Crappy! ‘Swawesome!”

Shitty blinked. Surprised by how choked up those words made him feel. He ruffled up Maisie’s hair before taking his phone back and sliding it into his pocket. Then he climbed into the front seat and buckled himself up. He was keeping an eye on Maisie until after dinner time. His plan was to take her to the mall for some exploring, shopping, and dinner. The drive to the mall was nice and the was filled with chatter and singing along horribly to the random music that played on the radio. Neither Shitty nor Maisie knew the lyrics to most of the songs, but they made up their own.

“Where to first, Maisie?” Shitty asked once he helped Maisie down from her seat. Her mustache was still affixed to her face.

“Food!” Maisie exclaimed, grinning.

It was technically a little too late for lunch and too early for a dinner... Shitty looked thoughtful for a moment and then decided on some pretzels.

“How does a big pretzel sound?” He asked, tilting his head to the side as he watched Maisie. She said nothing, only nodded her head up and down excitedly. Shitty laughed and keeping a firm grip on her hand, led the way from the car into the mall.

The two of them were seated on a bench, people watching and eating a big pretzel.

“Uncle Crappy, how do you not get food in your ‘stache all the time? This is kind of annoying,” Maisie explained, with a pout.

“I do get food in it all the time and drinks. You just have to clean it up after,” Shitty replied and he handed Maisie a clean napkin. She took the napkin, huffed out a sigh, and wiped her face. Shitty was impressed that the fake ‘stache stayed on her while she did that. He noticed that people would do double-takes when they noticed Maisie had a mustache on her face but no one had said anything yet, and Maisie did not seem to notice. Shitty never cared what people thought of himself and what he wore or at times was not wearing, but he did have a protective streak when it came to his friends and definitely when it came to Maisie. He did not want anyone saying anything negative to her just because she wanted to don a sweet mustache.

“Uncle Crappy?” Maisie asked, her voice soft and maybe a touch insecure sounding.

Shitty was unable to stop the frown that crossed his face, “What is it, Maisie?”

“Is it... I just—…” Maisie frowned and crumpled up the napkin she had used to wipe her face in her little hand.

Shitty said nothing and waited, giving Maisie all the time she needed to figure out what she wanted to say. To get her words in order. She looked equal parts frustrated and maybe a little sad too. It broke his heart. He gave her a gentle nudge on the shoulder as the silence lapsed between them for a few seconds. She huffed out a sigh, and sighing was such a strange thing to witness from a six-year-old.

“Nora is really annoying,” she finally said. “All she does is cry, Uncle Crappy. She can sit up now on her own, and that is cool. Mom thinks she wants to crawl and might soon, and I think that will be ‘swawesome but… she just cries so much.” Maisie said, and there was a faint quiver to her voice that he could just hear her fighting. He reached an arm around her shoulder and tugged her into his side, giving her a squeeze.

“She can’t talk, Maisie. She can’t use words, crying is how she tells your Mom, Steve, and you that she needs something,” Shitty explained and he noticed that Maisie rolled her eyes at that. Ouch, that eye roll kind of hurt.

“I know, Uncle Crappy. But… sometimes she just seems to cry for no reason and nothing can make her happy,” Maisie said, “and that is annoying.” The last bit she said with more than a hint of defiance.

“Everything is so new to her, Maze. Do you get sad for no reason sometimes?” He asked, gently. “Don’t you sometimes cry too when you are frustrated or annoyed? Scared? That is a lot of emotions for a baby.” Shitty had no idea if babies really felt emotions at all or not, but he had to assume they did to some extent. He was suddenly struck with how hard being a baby probably was. He also found himself worrying that maybe he was approaching Maisie’s concerns the wrong way. He did not want to invalidate her annoyance because she had every right to be annoyed. Crying babies were annoying, he had first-hand experience with that from when Maisie had been a baby. She had not said anything and he noticed she was pouting underneath that faux mustache of hers.

“Maisie, it is okay to be annoyed by your sister and to find her annoying,” Shitty said, abruptly changing tactic as he was pretty positive now that he had said the wrong thing before. That he had approached it all wrong. “It will get better, though. She’ll find ways to tell you what she needs, and she’ll start talking, too.”

“I wish she could talk now. And… play with me better,” Maisie explained, and there was a definite sniffle there.

Ugh. Shitty’s heart felt like it was snapping in two at that noise. He gave her another tight squeeze, and then he brought up his hand to mess up her hair some. Maisie let out an indignant squeak and squirmed away from him.

“Soon, she will be able to play better,” Shitty said, knowing that that soon would probably feel like a lifetime to someone as young as a six-year-old.

“Can we go to the toy store?” Maisie asked, suddenly and Shitty blinked at the abrupt change of mood and topic. Again, he felt uncertain, wondering if maybe he should try to continue the conversation they had just been on or if he should follow Maisie’s lead and change course. He doubted he would force any of his adult friends to stay on topic if they really wanted to change it. Maybe with some issues, but certainly not with all.

“Chyeah, let’s go to the toy store,” he said, climbing to his feet and exaggerating how difficult it was. Maisie giggled at him. They tossed their napkins in a trash-bin and Maisie took his hand again for the walk to the toy store.

* * *

  
They had been in the toy store for about ten minutes when Shitty noticed a little boy approaching Maisie. He was taller than her but looked to be the same age. It as difficult for Shitty to guess the ages of kids, each year he was astounded by how small his fifth-graders actually were at the start of the school year. Shitty continued to read the back of the box he had been looking at but keeping half an eye on Maisie and the new kid.

“Why do you have that on your face?” The kid asked, and Shitty decided that he did not like his tone.

Maisie looked up from the two toys she had been comparing, “I want to look like my Uncle Crappy.” And the way she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Fuck yes!

The kid now looked towards Shitty, who gave him a wave. Then he went back to looking at Maisie.

“Oh,” he said. “That is weird.”

Maisie shrugged her shoulders, “weird is okay.”

“Does it itch?” The kid asked half a second later, and Shitty began to relax as Maisie stopped looking at the two toys she was comparing and answered the kid’s question. He kept close to two of them, vaguely wondering where the boy’s parents were. Maisie and the kid, whose name turned out to be Benton, had a pretty civil conversation. Even if Benton sometimes made comments that Shitty thought were a little douchey for a six-year-old, or maybe seven-year-old. Benton’s parents showed up, not too long into the conversation, but they did nothing to interrupt it. They did keep staring at Maisie and her sick ‘stache.

“This is Maisie,” Benton said after he noticed his parents. “She wants to look like her Uncle Crappy.”

“Uncle… Crappy…?” The Mom questioned.

Shitty held out his hand, “That’s me. Nice to meetcha,” if handshakes could be awkward then that handshake was. Benton’s parents shooed him away after the introductions, and Maisie went back to looking over the two toys, a frown on her face.

“Which one do you think Nora would like the most?” She asked, holding them up.

“The Fox,” Shitty said, pointing to it. She stared at the fox for a few seconds before nodding her head in agreement. They went to pay for the fox and a toy that Shitty picked out for Maisie. He kept thinking back to Benton and his family, and the way they had been staring at Maisie. She had not seemed to notice, though. Or if she had, it had not bothered her. His hockey niece was a total badass.

* * *

  
It was a little after six when he dropped Maisie off with Camilla and Steve. Maisie had kept her ‘stache on all throughout dinner. She kept up a lively conversation, too. Shitty had enjoyed himself, not that he was surprised. He always had a good time with his Corndog.

“Mom! Like my sick ‘stache?” Maisie asked as soon as Shitty had helped her out of the car. She went barreling for Camilla, who deftly handed the baby off to Steve, so she could scoop Maisie up in a hug.

“I love it, Maisie.” She said, laughing. Maisie then reached around to fistbump Steve, who also confirmed that he liked it.

Maisie then began to stare at her sister and her sister stared right back.

“I think Nora likes it too,” Maisie said after a second, and then she wriggled out of her mom’s arms and ran back to Shitty. He gave her a hug before handing off the gift she had bought Nora.

“I got Nora a present,” she said, all serious as can be.

“Well, why don’t you and Steve go inside and give Nora the present?” Camilla asked, smiling. Maisie nodded her head and ran into the house with Steve trailing after her, after saying a hasty goodbye to Shitty.

“Shitty, thanks again.” Camilla said, “Jack and I try to be good with the hand—…”

Shitty held his hand up, “Camilla, it is okay. I told that to Jack earlier. I love spending time with Maisie. She was ‘swawesome today.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get her to take that mustache off for days,” Camilla said with a laugh.

“I have a whole stockpile if she ever needs more,” Shitty explained, grinning. He then gave Camilla a hug, before unhooking the booster seat for her.

Being an uncle was fucking awesome, and Shitty, he loved it. He could not wait for his next adventure with Maisie the Corndog.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I hope y’all enjoyed that! One day I’ll get better at ending chapters/scenes. I have a few more ideas for Uncle Shitty adventures. This fic did not go exactly how planned, but it was still fun to write. :)
> 
> Come and say hi to me on [tumblr](http://mamashitty.tumblr.com) or [pillowfort](http://pillowfort.social/mamashitty)!


End file.
